I'm starting to get on my own nerves.

I've become very indolent (a word I learned from someone else's blog who is much smarter than I) these past few weeks and it's unsettling. My mother, dear mother, throughout my life, has chronically asked me the question, "What's your plan?" and I always had an answer, no matter how vague and no matter how short-term. I have no plan! And I'm scared to commit to plans, I think. For fear that better plans may arise. I pencil in everything in life, but would like to Sharpie in some concrete, good plans. I think the longer I lack a plan, the more grandiose it has to be.

Hence why I haven't made my big move yet. It's frustrating that I haven't made strides to seek better employment opportunities due to a lack of confidence. What's the harm in trying, right? I'm like that annoying girl in highschool who had low self-esteem and always told you she decided to "stop eating" to be skinny. And you would have to reassure her that no, she was not fat and yes, she should eat. I'm like that girl, only it's much harder to run and hide from myself during lunch.

I know for about 7 years I've been really unsure about plans, but this is like the peak. Well, maybe in two years I'll spiral further (one can dream!). Honestly. I'm waiting for something. Something big. Something big is coming. I put that on a sticky note. "You will find employment," "Something big and great is coming!" but so far nothing. So, "The Secret" my ass, I say. I've actually never read it, so I'm probably doing something wrong.

I'm a bit embarrassed to be me, at the moment. How awkward.

Okay, no, seriously. This too shall pass. This is merely temporary. My horoscope said something good will come in about two weeks (though, that's what it said last month too).

Imma a genie in a bottle... an irritating Robin Williams-ish genie

I wish it weren't so cold in here. I mean we're indoors, why is it so cold in here?

I wish this man sitting next to me wasn't sitting so close next to me.

I wish that I was a little more gallant and was more quick to hold open doors for pregnant ladies and didn't feel pissed off when I have to give up my seat on the bus for old people.

I wish I exercised yesterday.

I wish I didn't eat a cupcake in lieu of exercising today.

I wish it was sometime in the future where I have everything together and teleportation was fully functional and my prospective novel was written.

I wish I had magical powers, but not ones where people in teen movies would call "A big freaker!!!!"

I wish that we didn't have to grow up and be responsible and give up things that seem to be a waste of time.

I wish I didn't desire money and power and love so heavily.

I wish that the video store has "Sherlock Holmes" because they didn't have it last week and I watched "Hurt Locker" instead and though a good enough movie, I wanted to see some ass-kicking crime-solving.

I wish that I find a magic lamp, but I bet you I'll try to be righteous and eventually wish that "everything went back to normal and that the genie should be set free," before wishing for money or anything exciting.

I wish that I didn't make so many wishes.