Paris Hilton's Trainwreckage Search for a Career

I'm an extremely nice person. I watch shit shows so that you won't have to! You're very welcome. Especially for this atrocity of a show:

Did they totally steal the backsplash and graphics from "Sweet 16" (please sing that as it is meant to be sung)? This show is quite likely the most horrific show I've ever seen. Not because the premise of finding a BFF via a television show is lame, but because the prize is Paris Hilton. I mean, every game show which offers something other than money is a total joke. Oh, but people get diamonds at random times where the winner of each competition is selected in a subjective way that I don't always get, by ambiguous standards like "Who is the biggest clubber?".Not to mention, Paris did in fact at one point mention a Season 2, so good luck Season 1 winner.

We all know how it'll go down, right? In the end, Paris will say she was betrayed or that her new BFF just couldn't handle the hectic lifestyle. We call this the Tila Tequila cop-out (okay, so this show is not the most horrific show, Ms. Tequila's is).

I also love how Paris drops little pearls of wisdom throughout the show, whilst sitting stiffer than Paris Hilton in a sex tape, on a loveseat. Who knew someone could look so unsexy on a loveseat? But she doles out little insights on "true friendship", like how a best friend should be totally devoted to you, dye their hair because you tell them to and do random tasks that don't have anything to do with your personal interests (I mean, I'm sure polo playing skills are just imperative in a friendship).

As a sidenote, whatever happened to Paris' little chihuahua? He has morphed into 20 humanoid contestants, I guess.

Now, in the words of Paris Hilton, TTYN (she's so clever! Talk to you never! LOL!). A better one you can use Paris? See you never, totally. You can shorten it to the acronym C-U-N-T.

Now if you'll excuse me, episode three is on.